90 / 10 Principle

It will change your life (at least the way you react to situations).
What is this principle? 10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react.
What does this mean? We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us.
We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90%.
How? ……….By your reaction.
You cannot control a red light. but you can control your reaction. Don't let people fool you;
YOU can control how you react.

Let's use an example.
You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened.
What happens next will be determined by how you react.
You curse.
You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy
crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus.
Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit.
After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home.
When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.
Why? …. Because of how you reacted in the morning.

Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?
The answer is “D".
You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.
Here is what could have and should have happened.
Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, "Its ok honey, you just need to be more careful next time". Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time
to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.
Notice the difference?
Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different.
Why?
Because of how you REACTED.
You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was determined by your reaction.

Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle. If someone says something negative about you, don't be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don't have to let the negative comment affect you!
React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc.
How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your temper? Pound on the steering wheel? A friend of mine had the steering wheel fall off) Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them?
WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why let the cars ruin your drive?

Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it.
You are told you lost your job.
Why lose sleep and get irritated? It will work out. Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job.
The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take outpour frustration on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on.

Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger. Why get stressed out? It will just make things worse.
Now you know the 90-10 principle. Apply it and you will be amazed at the results.
You will lose nothing if you try it. The 90-10 principle is incredible. Very few know and apply this principle.
The result?
Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and heartache. We all must understand and apply the 90/10 principle.
It CAN change your life!!!

English is a stupid language??

Let's face it, English does not always make sense.
There is no egg in the eggplant.
No ham in a hamburger.
And neither pine nor apple is in a pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England.
And French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted.
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly,
Boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing?
If the plural of tooth is teeth,
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone phene?
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
What the heck does a humanitarian eat?
Why do people recite at a play,
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down.
And in which you fill in a form,
By filling it out.

English was invented by people, not computers.
And it reflects the creativity of the human race.
(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why,
When the stars are out, they are visible
But when the lights are out, they are invisible
And it's why when I wind up my watch,
It starts.
But when I wind up this poem,
It ends.

The Art Of Complaining

In life it is quite natural that we do complain. following is a very nice article that i fount on "SISTERS" magazine ....


Have you ever found yourself falling into the habit of complaining, whether the complaint was valid or not? Bint Abdelhamid shares thirteen ways to perfect the art of (not) complaining.

They say that “misery loves company,” and it’s true. I spent some time in an educational institute overseas, where the teaching lay somewhere between mediocre and bad, and the institute policies were even worse. It helped, in a manner of speaking, to sit down with other sisters in the institute and outline all our misery and woes. It made us feel like we weren’t alone.

One of the sisters with us was several years younger than most, and rarely engaged in our “miserable company” sessions. It was obvious she understood all the institute’s shortcomings, but between finding other things to say and knowing it would all be over in a few months’ time, when we could move up to a different, betterrun part of the institute, she managed to always stay positive.

We talked to this young sister once, about her life and family. She was around fifteen years old at the time, and the eldest of three siblings. Their mother was mentally ill, incapable of caring for herself, let alone her family or children; and their father spent most of his time taking care of his ill wife. So caring for the younger siblings, seeing that they were well-fed and getting along in school, among other things, all fell largely on this fifteen-year-old’s shoulders.

It was clear that this sister had a lot to deal with, but she never complained. Even when she described her life, her mother, her responsibilities, she described them matter-of-factly, as simply a part of her existence. If anyone had the right to complain about something, among our gathering, it was this sister; but she never complained.

Unfortunately, we live in a culture of complaining, where it’s easy to strike up a conversation on how ridiculously high the prices are or how bitter cold the weather is. Sometimes, we complain about petty things, and sometimes about larger ones – but whatever it is, we find it easier to pick out the faults of our everyday lives and situations, even when we have so much to be thankful for.

In an effort to train myself to complain less (and hopefully squash the habit of complaining altogether), here is list for thirteen ways to complain less:

1. Make your complaint to Allah
When Yusuf (AS) was separated from his father, and Ya’qoob (AS) lost his eyesight due to sorrow, Ya’qoob (AS) said, “I only complain of my suffering and my grief to Allah…” [12:86].

Allah is the All-Capable, and the One Who can ease your affairs, so if there is something troubling you, make your complaint to Him, (SWT).

2. Only complain to the people if complaining is beneficial
This may be to get one of your rights, or the right of someone else you know – sometimes, complaining is necessary. Be as kind and polite about it as possible, and don’t overdo it.

3. Talk about practical solutions
Rather than making your complaint a constant, endless whine, talk about practical solutions to the problem you’re facing. Is it a problem without a visible, practical solution? Then make your complaint to Allah!

4. Let the small things pass
Anas ibn Malik said, “I served the Prophet (SAW) for twenty years. He never said ‘uff’ to me, and he never said about anything I had not done, ‘Why didn’t you do it?’ or about something I had done, ‘Why did you do that?’” [Muslim]. Most things are small enough that we can just let them go.

5. Speak about Allah’s favours
Rather than picking out everything that’s wrong in your life, try picking out some of the things that are right, and speaking about them. Allah (SWT) says, “But as for the favor of your Lord, report [it].” Doing this should not only help you avoid complaining, but you’ll also be fulfilling a command from Allah!

6. Remember those less fortunate
One way to jolt yourself back to reality and appreciate Allah’s blessings over you is to remember those less fortunate than you. Read about others suffering in Asia, Africa, and all over the world. Read about orphans in Palestine. Read about the homeless in your own country, your own city – interact with them if possible. Don’t drown yourself in despair, but use these stories as a means to be grateful and to thank Allah for what you have.

7. Reduce the stress in your life
You may be complaining because you have a sizeable amount of stress in your life. You need an outlet, and that’s understandable. Stop multitasking for a bit; take some quiet time out to relax: sit in a darkened room, breathing deeply for a few minutes; go for a walk outdoors; listen to some soothing anasheed, or read some Qur’an.

8. Read stories from the seerah
Take note from the words and ways of the Messenger (SAW), the sahabah, and the righteous generations after them. Learn from their manners and etiquettes in speech.

9. Talk about other useful matters
You don’t have to talk about the mundane things in your life that drive you crazy. Instead, talk about larger things that excite you: new knowledge you’ve learned; projects you’d like to work on; a wonderful nature trip that made you contemplate the beauty of Allah’s creation.

10. Tell funny stories (without lying)
There will still be time for chit-chat with friends and family. Instead of worrying them with complaints they can’t help with, tell them funny stories from work and life, cute things your kids said. Humour is a wonderful way to make everyone feel better!

11. Recognise complaining as a habit
Monitor your speech from time to time. Do you find that complaining is more of a habit than a useful endeavor? Recognising it as a habit is an important first step in learning to squash it.

12. Find better company
Do you find yourself complaining more when you’re around certain people? Maybe it’s because you have little in common with these people, or because they’re uninterested in being positive and thankful. If that’s the case, then it’s time to find better company, company which is a lot less “miserable.”

13. Talk less
In general. If you’ve tried everything you can think of, and still find yourself complaining too much, maybe it’s because you’re talking long after you’ve run out of things to say. Don’t let the shaytaan lead you into useless or harmful talk. Instead, keep your tongue moist with the remembrance of Allah. Repent to Him often. Thank Him often. Praise Him often. Send salutations upon the Messenger (SAW) often.

When I think back to my time at that institute, I realise it’s too late to “undo” the complaining I once did. What I can do now is use that experience as a stepping stone towards complaining less and being more thankful. And instead of concentrating on all the faults of this institute (enumerating them won’t help anyone here), I can tell, instead, about that wonderful fifteen year old sister I met there, about how her more-difficult-life but complaint-free-tongue put me to shame, and about how her patience inspired me to seek the art of not complaining.

Is Humanity skin Deep ????

This little song that I’m singin’ about,
People, you all know that it’s true,
If you’re black and gotta work for livin’,
Now, this is what they will say to you,
They says: “If you was white,
You’s alright,
If you was brown,
Stick around,
But if you’s black, oh, brother,
Get back, get back, get back.”

I was in a place one night,
They was all havin’ fun,
They was all buyin’ beer and wine,
But they would not sell me none.
They said: “If you was white,
You’s alright,
If you was brown,
You could stick around,
But as you’s black, hmm, hmm, brother,
Get back, get back, get back.”

I went to an employment office,
I got a number and I got in line,
They called everybody’s number,
But they never did call mine.
They said: “If you was white,
You’s alright,
If you was brown,
You could stick around,
But as you’s black, hmm, hmm, brother,
Get back, get back, get back.”

Me and a man was workin’ side by side,
Now, this is what it meant:
They was payin’ him a dollar an hour,
And they was payin’ me fifty cent.
They said: “If you was white,
You’d be alright,
If you was brown,
You could stick around,
But as you’s black, oh, brother,
Get back, get back, get back.”

I helped win sweet victories,
With my plow and hoe,
Now, I want you to tell me, brother,
What you gonna do ’bout the old Jim Crow?
Now, if you is white,
You’s alright,
If you’s brown,
Stick around,
But if you’s black, oh, brother,
Get back, get back, get back.

If wishes were horses ........

"If wishes were horses, beggars would ride" is a nice English proverb that I like.And I have a habit of googgling each and ever word or a phrase that come across.(Many time it have given very desirable output as well ;) ) And googgling on this to gave me nice little poem and a song which I like to share with.Also it carries a nice message too... and like ti share it with you
hope you too will enjoy

*******

If wishes were horses

Beggars would ride:

If turnips were watches

I would wear one by my side.

******

Bryan Adams - If Wishes Were Horses Lyrics

Come with me you can wish upon a star
You can do all the things that you've longed to
And you won't have to wonder who you are
You can be anybody you want to
In a land full of promises and kings
All your best laid dreams are for catchin'
You can have the world to tie up on a string
Just close your eyes and imagine

If wishes were horses
Beggars would ride
All dreams and desires would ride along side
Worries and troubles would fall off behind
If wishes were horses, beggars would ride

To a land far or near come along
There's an all new-round everyday glow
Like the young girl sang in the song
"Somewhere over the rainbow"

If wishes were horses
Beggars would ride
All dreams and desires would ride along side
Worries and troubles would fall off behind
If wishes were horses, wishes were horses
If wishes were horses, beggars would ride

Dua when under stress and anxiety

Bismillah ir-Rahman ir-Rahim

Alhamdulillah, here are some beauitful dua’a to make when under stress and anxiety – as a means of dispelling fear, of seeking forgiveness of Allah, seeking His aid, protection and guidance. May it be of benefit to us all. for there is not a time in the life of a Mu’min when he does not need the protection and guidance of Allah. And those that turn to Allah sincerely imploring His aid, know that in reality it is Allah that is turning to His slave and servant. Ameen. And know that “When Allah wants to be good to someone, He tries him with some hardship.” (Abu Hurairah)

General advice from Prophet Muhammad (s) when you are in distress or suffering from anxiety:

In hadith #599 narrated by Abdullah ibn Abbas in Sunan Abu Dawood, The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: If anyone continually asks pardon, Allah will appoint for him a way out of every distress, and a relief from every anxiety, and will provide for him from where he did not reckon.

When in distress or difficulty or sorrow:

Source for this dua subsection: Fiqh-us-Sunnah, volume 4, no 128

1. Ibn ‘Abbas reported, “The Prophet, peace be upon him, at times of sorrow and grief used to supplicate, La ilaha illa Allah Al-’Azim, Al-’Alim, la ilaha illa Allah, Rabbul ‘arshil ‘Azim, la ilaha illa Allahu, Rabbus-Samawati wa rabbul ardi wa rabbul ‘arshi karim (There is no god but Allah, the Mighty, the Forbearing, there is no god but Allah, the Lord of the mighty throne, there is no god but Allah, the Lord of the heavens and the earth, and the Lord of the throne of honor)’.”
Source: Bukhari and Muslim.

2. Anas said that when the Prophet, peace be upon him, was faced with a serious difficulty, he would always supplicate, “Ya Hayyu, ya Qayyumu, bi-rahmatika astaghithu (O the Living, O the Eternal, I seek help in Your grace).
Source: Tirmidhi

3. Abu Hurairah reported that whenever the Prophet, peace be upon him, was faced with a serious difficulty, he would raise his head to the sky and supplicate, “Subhan-Allah al-’Azim (glory be to Allah, the Mighty).” And when he implored seriously and strongly, he would say “Ya Hayyu, Ya Qayyum (O the Living, the Eternal One).”
Source: Tirmidhi

4. Abu Bakrah reported that the Prophet, peace be upon him, said, “The supplications of distress are, ‘Allahumma rahmataka arju, fala takilni ila nafsi tarfata ‘ain, wa aslah li sha’ni kullahu, la ilaha illa anta (O Allah, I hope for Your mercy, so give me not over to my self even for as little as wink of an eye, and set right all my affairs, there is no god but You).”
Source: Abu Daw’ud

5. Asma, daughter of ‘Amais, reported that the Prophet, peace be upon him, asked her, “Shall I tell you words that you may say in times of pain or distress. These are, ‘Allah, Allah, Rabbi la ushriku bihi shai’an (Allah, Allah, my Lord, I associate none with Him).” Another narration says that these words should be said seven times.
Source: Abu Daw’ud

6. Sa’d ibn Waqas reported that the Prophet, peace be upon him, said, “The supplication made by the Companion of the Fish (Prophet Yunus) in the belly of the fish was, ‘La ilaha illa anta, subhanaka, inni kuntu minaz-zalimin (there is no god but You, You are far exalted and above all weaknesses, and I was indeed the wrongdoer)’. If any Muslim supplicates in these words, his supplication will be accepted.” In another report we read, “I know words that will cause Allah to remove one’s distress. These are the words (of supplication) of my brother Yunus, peace be upon him,”
Source: Tirmidhi

7. Ibn Mas’ud reported that the Prophet, peace be upon him, said, “If any servant of Allah afflicted with distress or grief makes this supplication, his supplication will be accepted: ‘O Allah, I am Your servant, son of Your servant, son of your maidservant. My forehead is in Your hand. Your command conceming me prevails, and Your decision concerning me is just. I call upon You by every one of the beautiful names by which You have described Yourself, or which You have revealed in Your book, or have taught anyone of Your creatures, or which You have chosen to keep in the knowledge of the unseen with You, to make the Qur’an the delight of my heart, the light of my breast, and remover of my griefs, sorrows, and afflictions‘.” A supplication in these words will be answered. Allah will remove one’s affliction and replace it with joy and happiness.
Source: Reported by Ahmad and Ibn Hibban

8. Anas reported that the Prophet, peace be upon him, used to supplicate, “O Allah, there is no ease except what You make easy, and you alone can turn a difficulty into ease.” (Ibn As-sinni)

Source: Fiqh-us-Sunnah, Volume 4, #131

9. Allah’s Apostle used to say at the time of difficulty, “None has the right to be worshipped but Allah, the Majestic, the Most Forbearing. None has the right to be worshipped but Allah, the Lord of the Tremendous Throne. None has the right to be worshipped but Allah, the Lord of the Heavens and the Lord of the Honourable Throne.”

Source: narrated by Ibn Abbas in Sahih Bukhari, volume 9, #526.

Remember that sickness expiates evil deeds and wipes out sins.

Abu Hurairah narrates that the Prophet, peace be upon him, said: “When Allah wants to be good to someone, He tries him with some hardship.”

Abu Hurairah also reports that Allah’s Messenger, peace be upon him, said:
“For every misfortune, illness, anxiety, grief, or hurt that afflicts a Muslim -even the hurt caused by the pricking of a thorn – Allah removes some of his sins.”

Ibn Mas’ud said: “I visited the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him,
while he had a fever. I exclaimed: ‘O Messenger of Allah! You have a high
fever! ‘ He said: ‘My fever is as much as two among you [might have]. ‘ I
asked: ‘Is it because you have a double reward?’ He replied: ‘Yes, that is right. “No Muslim is afflicted with any hurt, even if it is no more than the pricking of a thorn, but Allah wipes off his sins because of it and his sins fall away from him as leaves fall from a tree‘.”

Abu Hurairah (r) said: “The Prophet, peace be upon him, remarked: ‘The example of a believer is like a fresh tender plant; from whichever direction the wind blows, it bends the plant. But when the wind dies down, it straightens up again. (Similarly a believer is tested by afflictions to strengthen his faith and heart, and he remains patient and firm). And an evil person is like a pine tree which remains hard and stiff until Allah breaks it whenever He wills.”

Source: Fiqh-us-Sunnah, volume 4, #1

source : http://dailyreminders.org/dua-when-under-stress-anxiety/

The Santos Times: Thinking like a man or a woman?

The Santos Times: Thinking like a man or a woman?

A cool article ....